sarahrose: (lips)
If I was compelled to update my FaceBook status to reflect with what's really going in my life and head and heart these days, it would read some amalgamation of:

Sarahrose is ---

-- grateful for too many bottles of wine and intertwined limbs on a blanket by the lake with a boy will always remind me that he carries my heart throughout his vagrancies, and the potential space to explore the lips and heart of a woman I've adored for a very long time.

-- working in an underpaid and overstressed position, but aren't we all.

-- full with dark chocolate and strawberry crepe.

-- amazed by how beauty- and wonder-full it has been to witness the birthing of love between her partner and her good friend, and saddened by the struggle and fear that's caught us up in.

-- maybe going to start learning to hoop tonight, but, then again, is rather in need to some time with her self.
Music:: Mirah - The World is Falling
sarahrose: (lips)
Friday Night,
an in-night with R: I'm bringing over cupcakes and beer for snuggling on the couch while we watch Dirty Dancing (he's appalled that I've never seen this movie before).

We've been dating, casually, for a month now; my time with him is always simply delovely. I'm not blown away by sparks, by desire, by that almost-overpowering sense of Connection - at least, not yet, anyway - and that's perfect as-is: he's absolutely rad, and we can talk really comfortably - there's no awkwardness there, you know? Plus, he gives delightful foot-massages.
 

Saturday,
during the day, Matthew and I are looking at making our way down to Granville Island to meet with the artist that we're commissioning to do our wedding jewelery. M and I both fell absolutely in love with this design when we stumbled upon it in an Etsy shop, and we've decided to work with someone local to create wedding rings with the acorn and oak motif. We're also looking at getting this artist to make me an engagement ring in the same design that would incorporate the stones in my current ring. I'm really excited at the prospect of
 
then, in the evening, my Second Date with E... Her roommate's throwing a vegan barbeque at their place, and so I'm accompanying E to that. I wrote her this morning suggesting that we take some time to sneak away to the lake that's down the street from my house with a bottle of wine and some ganache-covered strawberries for some one-on-one face-time before we throw ourselves into the gathering...

Our first date... it was magical. I think I can safely say that it was tied for the most heart-blowing first date I've ever been on  -- I was literally speechless with giddiness once we parted after, having lingered over our pitcher for as long as we could get away with. Our goodbye was an incredible, intense embrace and kiss. Here's hoping I can keep my cool --- have I mentioned that girls who I Really Like make me as nervous and awkward as if I was a 16 year old boy?
 
Sunday,
I'm spending the afternoon with Christy-Belle.
 
Ah, ma Belle... Tomorrow will mark the one-year of our first meeting. I sat curled up in one of those big overstuffed chairs in a cafe, awaiting her arrival, my nose in a book. I saw her come in my periphery, but I nervously and steadfastly kept my eyes down on the page, unable to make out the words on it. A dear friend wrote me a beautiful piece today, about how my presence in her life has triggered some wonder-ful and huge learnings about female connection -- those floodgates - the discovery of the power, magnititude, and depth - are precisely those which Christy opened up for me when we opened our lives to each other.

And so, on Sunday, Christy and I, we will celebrate: this year of intertwined lives and love, her upcoming birthday, and this glorious summer that's finally been ushered upon us.

I still find my heart sore for her some days, but how could I ever hold her with anything but grace, friendship, gratitiude, and love.

Music:: Alanis Morrissette's cover of King of Pain
sarahrose: (Default)
The vegetarian taqueria/Mexican place that opened down the street from our house a few months ago? Is awesome.

My burrito had roasted pineapple in it.

And the two girls sitting at the table next to us were on a first date (and making plans for a second),

And our server and I made intense eye contact while she played with my earring.

And Matthew and I couldn't get through our litre of sangria, so they let us take what we hadn't drunk home in an empty gin bottle that they had kicking around. (This is very, very against liquor laws in this province.) (And so now there's sangria in my fridge).


This was a way better evening than a burlesque show on the arm of a pretty woman. Because my date - my fiance - he thinks I'm the neatest thing since sliced bread.
Music:: Stars - Your Ex-lover is Dead
sarahrose: (necklace)
Missed connection this afternoon - meeting my friend with the rainbow hair and her new lover for lunch will have to wait until tomorrow.

I should hear very soon from the graduate program that is still considering my application. They've really gone out on a limb to take a chance on me: accepted my application late, and were prepared to wait on grades and commendations from the professors I worked with this semester to make an admissions decision (as opposed to a quite justifiable and flat-out "no, try again next year" off the bat). All of my grades this term have been outrageously high, and my professors are very happy to throw their support behind me, which is to say: I may very likely find myself in the position of having to decide quite quickly not only whether or not I'm prepared to uproot from my life here to move across the country for a 12-month Masters' program, but if I should pack up Matthew with me, or leave him here to maintain our home-base.

My graduation has officially been approved; my convocation is in just over two weeks. I don't think that even most of the people closest to me can really begin to appreciate what a struggle it was for me to earn my BA, so I won't try to convey that here, but suffice it to say: this is a very momentous milestone for me. My parents and grand-mere are coming into town, as is my mama-in-law (who I'm blessed for an amazing relationship with), to attend the ceremony and celebrate this with me. I'm trying really hard not to get anxious and stressed out by the weight of all of this family coming together, and to focus on the celebration that this is instead. I think I'm going to set out to find a pretty dress and make sure that my toes are yummily pedicured for the occasion.

My first summer course starts tomorrow night. Critical theory - Adorno, Benjamin, Marcuse. Much as my last couple of weeks of Absolutely Nothing on my Plate have been wondrously novel and great (it has been years - years - since I've had so much as a day with nothing looming on me), it's time to create some structure again. Coursework. Should start looking for employment, too.

Matthew has a work meeting this evening that will see him home at around 8 o'clock tonight (I'm a spoiled girl whose fiance is usually home from work by 4, and so this makes me unreasonably cranky); my favourite former lover, the boy who had me fall in love with mixed CDs, has dropped off the face of the earth again (as he's wont to do), so I wasn't exactly expecting a response when I invited him to go sit by the lake and have a beer tonight; and I was in the middle of typing "I'm not holding my breath that that girl I'd been seeing is going to make herself available for the burlesque show plans that we'd had when she said wasn't sure she'd be able to make it" when I received a message from her asking if I was still up for going. So, I guess she and I will be seeing each other tonight after all. (I think this is what a deer in headlights feels like.)
Music:: Matthew Good Band - Symbolistic White Walls
sarahrose: (necklace)

I have a friend. I don't see her terribly often, but her hair's a handful of wild colours, she's wonder-ful, and I adore the lens she holds to the world. I spent an evening with her earlier this week: dinner, peanut butter-and-chocolate fondue with a terrible soundtrack, three different tints of hair dye, spurts of sadness, blushing, and being in love, and her lovely bra collection. She's poetry, and now I'm left with gorgeous images and prettily turned phrases running through my mind, like: She twisted lilac into corkscrewed curls that frame my face - she, the girl who's on a mission to keep track of kisses until a thousand before she loses count; she, who I'd never seen in love until two nights ago - and she was right: it does soften her. For the unadulterated sadness I'd never before seen in her eyes, she's fallen in love, and that's worthwhile, in and of itself. Softened release, for her, looks like sadness.

I updated my FaceBook status last night to read: had a yummy day that consisted of sunshine, a vintage lace slip, sifting through 60 gigs of musical treasure on a borrowed iPod, a happily unexpected connection over coffee, and a just-gifted flowey skirt that moves like she does. Now, to enjoy her date-night with that redheaded boy of hers!

My friend tore her new lover's wedding band off his finger the other day, and flung it against his chest with enough strength to generate an impressive thump. Her jealousy, her struggle, her steadfastness in the love that makes the danger worth it (Won't you come in for tea and make me laugh?, she asked him, a request for healing) make me feel less despairingly embarrassed about my own outbursts. That date that my fiancé and I had made for last night (to see a local production of Age of Arousal)... well, I believe that the words "this is the worst date I have ever been on" came out of my mouth rather venomously once or twice. Tears, fears, and lessons in communications. After all was said, and done, I did fall asleep wrapped up in his body, in his love and lust, and so I suppose that's something. It's more than something, that we go to bed together in love each and every night. His phone may be bursting with overeager text-messages from the woman he's begun to date - and that may trigger me ugly when I just want to be excited for and with them, and he may not always know the exact right way to appease me right in those moments (as if there was an "exact right way"), and I may feel compelled to write to her and wring her neck for thinking it's at all appropriate to pine at him for more of his time when he and I are still struggling with every ounce of energy we have to find our own grounding through this as it is - but despite whatever else may be going on in our lives at any given time, coming home to each other is still always the absolute best part of our respective days. And that's abundance.

That Love is Always Good.
That Love is Always Good.
That Love is Always Good.

Music:: Peach Plum Pear - Owen Pallett

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