sarahrose: (lips)
I have a "date"(?) tonight... A third "date"(?). With a woman.

(You have to understand how terribly inexperienced I am in matters of dating women.)

For our first date, we met by the lake down the street from my house. We meant to catch the sunset together, but she ran late, and so we found each other in the dark and spent hours sitting on a log on the beach, talking and getting high.

Date number two was brunch (my meal was called "Woman in a Flowing Dress Kissing her Lover"), and goofing off with absurd clothing in a terribly hipster vintage store on Main Street.

Tonight... tonight, I'm packing up a mixed CD and the bottle of homemade chocolate-orange port that's sitting on my kitchen table, and heading over to her place to watch political documentaries. ("Which, well, that might be a little cerebral for a Saturday night," she mused, after her recommendation... Yes: have I mentioned the only that's put me off her was how judgmentally incredulous she was that I'm not particularly well-versed on the political situation in Burma?)

I get so ridiculously uncool around girls who like girls; it's like I'm a 16 year old boy... This one, she's wicked-smart, driven, totally together, has red kinky hair, and about a million and a half things in common with me. I need to stop telling myself she's cooler than me, that I'm totally not enough, that there's no way she could be interested: she's made sure to include time with me in her schedule consistently for the past 3 weeks. She invited me over for wine and movies tonight. I am worthy of the attention and interest of a cool girl. I'm not coming from a place of scarcity. I would love a deep, significant, romantic and sexual connection with a woman, but this is not desperation. I have all the time in the world, and have everything to gain from holding the universe with an opened palm rather than a clenched fist. I will not fear rejection. I will be me, and enjoy my time, and not shy away from how I feel and what I want: whatever comes of that will be absolutely perfect.
Music:: elizlaurel's cover of "Two Little Girls" (Ani DiFranco)

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